Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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