Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
