mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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