my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
from now on my penis is your penis
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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