I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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