I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
