I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
