yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
