i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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