If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
