Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
