I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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