I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize