the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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