Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
