i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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