She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
