Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
