i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
