My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
