C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
