Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
