the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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