it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
