take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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