I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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