She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
