take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
