oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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