my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
