at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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