There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
