dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then he tried to convert me to islam
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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