Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
