ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
