I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
