When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
