I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
