its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
