I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
