I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
