I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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