Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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