is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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