I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
there is glitter all over my balls
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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