I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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