you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize