hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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