I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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