I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
