when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
