Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
