Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
