maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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