I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
