I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
