she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
