need another drink. this is the easiest way
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
