Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I believe in your delicious
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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