I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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