Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
