I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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