he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
