her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
