and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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