One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
