My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize