Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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