Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
