i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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