Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize