I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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