remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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