Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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