Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
